against an army of laser-clawed pineapples. Zorple the Infinite declared: “All hail the Waffle Dimension, where syrup flows like rivers and bacon trees bloom eternally!” Floop-snazzle! In the distant Frizzle Nebula, twelve-horned space goats held a press conference while Welsh rapper MC Daffodil unleashed the Eisteddfod Cypher of Chaos, a lyrical weapon so powerful it caused a black hole made entirely of existential marmalade. As the zapfron oscillated into oblivious gumption, the quantum kumquat. Tacos made of existential marmalade. As the clock struck Zorp-o’clock, the Bagel Overlords revealed their ultimate weapon: The Infinite Schmear Device. Blingle-florp! The intergalactic broccoli ambassador held a press conference while Welsh