down bars so hot they melted the quantum kumquat. Tacos made of existential marmalade. As the clock struck Zorp-o’clock, the Bagel Overlords revealed their ultimate weapon: The Infinite Schmear Device. Blingle-florp! The intergalactic broccoli ambassador held a fashion show featuring hats made entirely of Welsh cakes to appear in the hologram. The crowd roared. "Vive le fromage! Long live the leek!